


It's okay.

by universebunny_cc



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Burnout - Freeform, Comfort, F/M, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Reader-Insert, can be either platonic or romantic depending on personal interpretation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29089287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/universebunny_cc/pseuds/universebunny_cc
Summary: 'I have to keep going.'The thoughts that echo through the empty room ring against her ears, just like the empty, meaningless words that appear across the page.Writing used to make her heart flutter with excitement, but as she ran forward, scared of stopping, scared of looking back... These feelings have since dulled.But she has to keep going, she can't let anyone down, she can't leave anyone disappointed...And if anyone knows what this feels like, it's Hirugami Sachirou.
Relationships: Hirugami Sachirou & Reader, Hirugami Sachirou/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	It's okay.

_‘I have to keep going.’_

Taking a deep breath, she stains her eyes at the screen in attempts to maintain focus. There isn’t any time for breaks, there isn’t any room for distractions. She has to focus. She has to concentrate. 

_‘I haven’t done enough.’_

She has to write, she has to continue writing. She has to pour words into the page. She needs to bleed emotions and beautiful moments into her words. She _needs_ to. 

But the words that used to come so effortlessly, are starting to fall short. 

Groaning in frustration, she finally lifts her hands off they keys and holds them before her face. They’re trembling. Why are they trembling? 

Shaking her head, she returns her hands to the keyboard, where they’re supposed to be. She can’t get distracted, she has to keep going. She doesn’t deserve a break. She has to keep on writing. She can’t quit now. She can’t… 

_‘Everyone will be disappointed.’_

The thoughts that echo through the empty room ring against her ears, just like the empty, meaningless words that appear across the page. But no one is denying them, no one’s saying her thoughts are wrong… So, they must hold some truth. 

_‘Everyone is waiting. I’m falling behind. Everyone will be disappointed. I haven’t done enough. I have to keep going.’_

Letting out a series of shallow breaths, she continues to stare at the screen as she feels herself crumbling inside. 

_‘I have to keep going…’_

“Excuse me~” A familiar voice calls from behind her door as she snaps out of her thoughts, turning around as he knocks and quietly opens the door. 

“Sachirou…” She mutters out, barely a whisper as she tries to smile. But she’s so tired. 

Pausing for a moment as he looks at her, Hirugami sighs to himself and enters the room, walking up to her and taking the seat beside her as he maintains his vacant smile. 

“Do you want to go outside and get some fresh air for a bit?” Hirugami asks as she smiles slightly and shakes her head. 

“Nah, it’s fine. Going outside and watching the sunset is you and Hoshiumi’s thing.” 

Hirugami laughs lightly at this. “How about going to the park then?” 

“Nah~ that’s you and Koutarou’s thing.” 

“Argh… What do you want to do then?” Hirugami asks as she shrugs lightly. 

“Dying doesn’t sound too bad to be honest.” She breathes out with a wistful smile, turning to glance at her laptop. “But I have to finish writing all of this before I can die.” 

“In that case, I hope you never finish it~” 

“Arghhhh but I have to…!” 

“Why?” Hirugami asks simply as she glances over at him. “Why do you have to, Y/N?” 

Y/N pauses for a moment, not saying anything as she sighs tiredly, holding her head in her hand as she smiles self-deprecatingly. “I can’t let everyone down… They’re waiting for me…” 

“But what about you? Shouldn’t this be about you?” Hirugami asks as she looks at him sadly. “Y/N… what about what _you_ want?” 

“It’s too late… I already poured so much time and effort into my writing… My readers are waiting for me… I can’t disappoint them.” Y/N mutters as she forces a smile and shakes her head. “It’ll all be a waste.” 

Hirugami watches her carefully as she avoids eye contact, glancing around the room restlessly as he sighs silently. Reaching over, he pulls her into an awkward but comforting hug. 

“You know it’s not a waste… You already know all that effort you put in isn’t wasted…” He mutters quietly. “You had fun, didn’t you? Even if it was just for a short while… You had fun, it gave you experience and you learnt a lot. How can you say that it’s a waste?” 

Slowly pulling out of the hug, Y/N looks up at Hirugami as she sighs again. “Because… my books aren’t over yet. I can’t just give up… everyone will be so disappointed if I do.” 

“Is that what you’ve been thinking lately?” Hirugami asks. 

“Among other things, yeah.” Y/N nods slightly. “I will admit that lately I’ve been thinking, ‘I could do what I want to do if I discontinued my books…’ But at the same time, I remember the passion I had when I started them.” 

Hirugami listens carefully as she continues. 

“I won’t deny that my main reason for continuing is obligation, I know it is.” Y/N says as she breathes out an empty laugh. “You know, Sachirou? Sometimes I wonder, if my writing didn’t get so popular, would I feel the same obligation to continue? Would I keep trying to force myself?” 

“Y/N…” 

Y/N smiles at him as she shakes her head. “I know that even if I dropped them… no one would blame me. But even still… There’s still this obligation I feel to continue. I have to keep going, everyone’s waiting…” 

“But that’s not what you want.” Hirugami says sincerely as she blinks in surprise. “Can’t you see? You’re just looking for reasons to force yourself to keep going… It’s not what you want…” 

“I do want to finish them, I really do.” Y/N insists as he looks at her sadly, causing her to pause momentarily as she looks away. “But… I guess I just have so many other things I want to do _more_ …” 

“I know you want to keep going for everyone else’s sake… but you need to start thinking about yourself.” Hirugami says quietly as he smiles slightly. “Maybe I should go get Kourai-kun… He’s the one who taught me how to let go.” 

“I think I already know how to let go…” Y/N chuckles. “It’s just… I won’t let myself.” 

“But you know you should?” Hirugami asks as Y/N smiles. 

“I know that _logically_ , the best option is to let them go, and let myself do what I want to do…” Y/N trails off before she shakes her head. “But I’ve already gotten this far, I still want to see them to the end. It’s just… harder now.” 

“Is it because you lost motivation?” 

“I don’t necessarily think I _lost_ motivation…” Y/N explains. “It’s just that, over time… my motivations slowly started to change. I was aware the whole time, but even so, I consciously decided to ignore my change of heart.” 

Hirugami nods slightly as he continues to listen carefully. “How did it use to be?” 

“It used to be; ‘I’m so excited to write and share my stories with everyone!’” 

“And how is it now?” 

Y/N smiles at that. “Now it’s; ‘I want to get it all over and done with quickly.’” 

Hirugami thinks for a moment. “Why don’t you just… quit?” 

Y/N smirks at that as she looks over at him. “Stealing Hoshiumi’s line now?” 

“Advice is advice~” Hirugami chuckles light-heartedly. “But I really do mean it. I think you’ve long since burned yourself out with writing.” 

“…Yeah.” Y/N mutters quietly. “But, I can’t quit.” 

“No one will die if you quit.” 

“That’s a shame, but I already know that.” Y/N jokes as she nods along, before sighing. “I’ll just have to, somehow, get through this. I’m sorry that I’m making you worried, and I’m lowkey rejecting your advice… But, I think you understand why I have to keep going.” 

“I _do_ understand…” Hirugami mutters. “And at the end of the day, I know the decision’s up to you. But you’re not happy with your decision.” 

“I’m not.” Y/N agrees. 

“So… why not lighten the load a little?” Hirugami suggests as she tilts her head in confusion. 

“How so?” 

“Why don’t you… choose the story most important to you, and continue that one?” Hirugami suggests. “The other stories can go on hiatus, you can return to them one day if you want. But since I know you’re not going to take the break you need, at least lighten the load. Focus on the story most important to you, see it to the end, and then you can decide where you want to go from there.” 

Y/N looks up at Hirugami, sitting in silence for a few moments as she takes the time to dwell on his words. “Sachirou…” 

“You can still continue, you can still keep going. You’re just focusing on the things most important to you first, you can revisit everything else later.” Hirugami insists as she listens to his every word. He smiles comfortingly. “It’s okay.” 

_‘It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.’_

_‘It’s okay.’_

Y/N smiles slightly as she takes a deep breath and nods. “Alright… I get it.” 

Hirugami breathes out a sigh of relief as he breaks out into a bigger smile, causing her to smile widely too as she lets out a laugh. 

“You convinced me. You win.” Y/N lightly chuckles. 

“Yeah~” Hirugami lazily cheers as they continue smiling at each other. “Come on, let’s go get something to eat.” 

“Whatt? But I have to finish this chapterrr.” Y/N complains as she slowly swivels back to her laptop, only for Hirugami to close it. 

“Hey, did you not listen to anything I just said?” 

“Well, I did but like… Can’t I start taking it easy tomorrow?” Y/N asks innocently as he stares at her, unimpressed, causing her to chuckle. “I’m joking, I’m joking~ Fine fine, let’s have a change of pace then.” 

“Yep~” Hirugami chimes as he laughs. “Let’s take it easy today.” 

_‘Let’s take each day as it comes, let’s take it at our own pace.’_

_‘Take it easy, don’t force yourself to move forward.’_

_‘It’s okay.’_

_‘You can focus on what’s important to you.’_

_‘It’s okay.’_

**Author's Note:**

> Expressing my burnout with writing through writing :D
> 
> I've been having a lot of difficulty continuing my two ongoing fics due to burnout, and as much as I hate to admit it, because my passion has since simmered to the point where I can't feel it anymore. I've been trying to force myself to continue to update despite having so many other things I want to do, and I finally reached the conclusion that one of them has to go on hiatus, while I do my best to complete the other. I know no one will blame me for my decision, but I still feel terrible about it. 
> 
> Even so, I hope that as time passes by, I'll be able to look back and say I was happy. Or at least, that I made the right decision. 
> 
> While dwelling and deliberating, I thought, if anyone knows what this situation feels like, it's Hirugami. Of course, the situation is different and I'm very much self aware of my actions, but Hirugami is a character I relate to very much on a personal level, so I wrote this. 
> 
> I'm sure that we've all experienced burnout of varying degrees, so dear reader, I hope you're taking care of yourself, and focusing on what's important to you. We don't need to force ourselves to keep moving forward, it's alright to pause and take a break. 
> 
> I hope this fic brings you even just a small amount of comfort, I just want you all to remember that it's okay. Everything's okay. 
> 
> Thankyou for reading!
> 
> ~~~  
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